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in darryl+scott-windsorysearchow Playlist fsearchmily searchhsearcht needed me more. I laughed at that, I had no job and no place for us to live. God wasn’t laughing, He was quite serious and within two weeks these kiddos were being brought to me. My parents moved into my grandmother’s vacant home and allowed us to stay in the home I was raised in. They were planning that move anyway and put off the sale of the house for us. I took the first job that came along, working for a crazy woman who had a no-kill shelter INSIDE HER MANSION! It paid well for what it was and I needed money ASAP. My friends were amazing, Elisha took clothing donations at her work, another bought all their school supplies, people were offering support from every direction. It was about a year before I went back to work with my previous (before college) company and we moved 12 hours away to El Paso.
There were signs of RAD from day one, if I had known about RAD, that is. H walked in the door the first day and announced, I am going to live with you. No one had told her this. She twirled her hair and batted her eyelashes and conned little boys into closets – she was 3. M has always been the master of manipulation, making me feel guilty in 5 seconds flat. Our first trip to the park and a man was selling ice cream. I had no cash on me and I was ok with M sitting there sulking. The man actually walked by and asked us if we wanted some, and M piped up “My MOM won’t let me…” Mom? Mom? He called me Mom!!! I dug in my purse and paid that man with nickels and pennies. I hadn’t been called Mom before….and I wouldn’t again for quite a long time.
It has been a roller-coaster ride, full of discoveries, both good and not so good, but every time I feel like it is just too much – I try to imagine if I hadn’t listened to God and never got them 6 years ago today. It takes my breath away at the thought. People, over the years, have told me to give them back, it’s too much for one person to handle, they didn’t come with warning labels. I smile at them all, and then tell them to do the same with their children. They look at me shocked and say it isn’t the same. But it is, in every way that matters, it is. These are MY children, the good days and the bad days, the smiles and the tears, they are all mine. My heart knows this, love isn’t about how things came to be, who brought them into this world, who deserves what titles, it is about sticking it out in the good and bad. Choosing to see the good under the fear and anger. Through everything, I know these children were made for me and that I endured all that I have previous so that I would be prepared for them. Because I was made for them too.
Happy 6th Anniversary my loves, I am only sorry I didn’t find you sooner!
Posted by: mysweetchaos | June 4, 2010
I was just over at Christine’s blog and am sitting here wondering….How do I put my own crap aside for my kid’s sake? I want to, I would love to just put my own crap aside and never revisit it, but doing it is SO HARD. I am rolling my eyes or sighing heavily at my kids before I even realize I am doing it. My son asks me at least a billion times a day why I am mad. I’m not but he says I look like I am. How comforting for them… How to live with 3 kids that battle on who can suck the life out of me first and not react negatively? There are times I can, I have to REALLY focus on it, sometimes even pausing before reacting. But not enough. Not nearly enough. Now the four of us will be together all the time – school is out and I am still not working. It will be a challenge. Trying to get myself mentally in a place for this to be a successful summer. Go Me!
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Me (Mom)
Single mom with a professional career. Used to move around, welcomed the change of location. Loves travel, Pink Floyd, Abba, and all mediums of art. In 2004, became a mom for the first time. 2 amazing children that are biologically my cousin's. They've had it rough and have recently been diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and PTSD. Became a mom again, in 2006, this time made in my womb. They are my world.
M
My oldest, he's 12. He's very smart and has a great sense of humor. He also hates to be touched, likes to steal, hoard food, be in total control, act like the parent, and thinks his sister is the spawn of satan. He also suffers from Depression.
H
My middle, she's 9. She is creative, artistic, and is the girliest tomboy I know. She also is always "sick" or about to die, very clingy, can't tell the truth to save her little life, can cry on demand, likes boys a lot, and will hurt herself for attention. She also has an Anxiety Disorder.
AE
She's 3. She's funny and smart and has amazing little curls. She screams, likes attention and her new favorite saying is "But I Want To!"
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